You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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