Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
