my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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