How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
