I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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