My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
