Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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