then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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