Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
