Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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