I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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