I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it was like eating out sand paper
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize