I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
