..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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