I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
