I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
