i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize