It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
