tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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