yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Randomize