Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
