i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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