Im at strip club and am horny
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
