do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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