So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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