apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
