I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
