Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
