Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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