Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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