dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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