It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
