my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
