It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
