and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
