I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
