IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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