I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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