Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I use my feet as sexual weapons
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
