Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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