I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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