what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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