You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
