Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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