I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
