Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
