um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
