dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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