I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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