I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
