I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
