oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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