I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
