STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
