I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
only you would photoshop your dick
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
