There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
