How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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