yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
