i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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