I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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