**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
