So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
