I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
