hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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