You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
