Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
