she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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