So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
