Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
