Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
