well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize