He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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