yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
