He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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