I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
