remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
