he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
