Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
