PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
