Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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