The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
