just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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