did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
